> /ksnet/proj/poetry

The Dialup Zone
A parody written by Matt Kellner, of the song "Twilight Zone" by Golden Earring

(spoken) Somewhere out in cyberspace there's a guy in his bedroom who realizes he's been disconnected in the middle of a file transfer. It's 5am.

(sung) It's 5am, my mind is gone,
But I can't stop thinking 'bout all that porn!
Cursing my connection, I'm tired and getting cranky.

Yeah, my browser's on the loose, those pictures in my head!
Wrapped up in zip files, but my cable is dead,
Cannot decode, my whole night spins into a frenzy!

Help, I'm slippin' into the Dialup Zone!
This isn't @-Home, feels like AOL!
My pictures are comin' in just 2 an hour!
Where am I to go without a credit card? (Whoah-ooh-ohh!)

Help, I'm slippin' into the Dialup Zone!
This isn't @-Home, feels like AOL!
I refuse to sit on hold and waste an hour!
Where can I go without a credit card?

(chorus) 'Cuz you'll be too slow,
When your bandwidth hits the floor!
'Cuz you'll be too slow,
When your bandwidth hits the floor!


Well, I'm stuck behind a firewall, its location unknown.
Nobody's on Messenger; All alone,
Can't get no connection. Can't get through to ICQ!

And the night drags on while I count the time,
Waiting on the support line!
When the tech gets on, he knows damn well that I've been cheated.

Help, I'm slippin' into the Dialup Zone!
This isn't @-Home, feels like AOL!
My pictures are comin' in just 2 an hour!
Where am I to go without a credit card? (Whoah-ooh-ohh!)

Help, I'm slippin' into the Dialup Zone!
This isn't @-Home, feels like AOL!
I refuse to sit on hold and waste an hour!
Where can I go without a credit card?

'Cuz you'll be too slow,
When your bandwidth hits the floor!
'Cuz you'll be too slow,
When your bandwidth hits the floor!

When your bandwidth hits the floor!


(musical interlude)


Help, I'm slippin' into the Dialup Zone!
This isn't @-Home, feels like AOL!
My pictures are comin' in just 2 an hour!
Where am I to go without a credit card? (Whoah-ooh-ohh!)

Help, I'm slippin' into the Dialup Zone!
This isn't @-Home, feels like AOL!
I refuse to sit on hold and waste an hour!
Where can I go without a credit card?

'Cuz you'll be too slow,
When your bandwidth hits the floor!
'Cuz you'll be too slow,
When your bandwidth hits the floor!

'Cuz you'll be too slow,
When your bandwidth hits the floor!

When your bandwidth hits the floor! Ahh-ahh-ahh,
When your bandwidth hits the floor!

(fade out)

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